Get rid of the mask, or get a nose job

Brief introduction:

Yesterday, I may have been a victim of discrimination. In 770, of all places.

I walked into shul early in the morning, around 6:30 am, and there were some senior yeshiva students still sitting at a table, a little under the influence of L'chaim and the effect of an all-night Chassidic farbrengen. They invited me to say L'chaim with them, but I declined, as I didn't think they meant on a cup of coffee, which is what I was holding in my hand. Having walked past them, around ten seconds later, I suddenly was pelted with a bowl of chatzilim (eggplant salad).

So I must say that I felt a little like Lot's wife. You know what happened to her, right? She was a-salted. Well I was a-mayonnaised. Luckily I wasn't hurt. It was nothing more than a "smear" campaign, and they actually missed, for the most part.

I don't know why I merited to be the bochurim's target practice that morning, but my hunch is that it had to do with my vocal anti-mask position.

So therefore, I would like to share a quick dvar Torah in this regard:

 

In Shir Hashirim 7:5, Hashem praises the Jewish People, and says - אַפֵּךְ֙ כְּמִגְדַּ֣ל הַלְּבָנ֔וֹן צוֹפֶ֖ה פְּנֵ֥י דַמָּֽשֶׂק

"...Your nose is as the tower of Lebanon, looking out to Damascus."

Rashi queries, "I cannot explain this to mean a nose, neither in reference to its simple meaning nor in reference to its allegorical meaning, for what praise of beauty is there in a nose that is large and erect as a tower?..."

But alas, with the advent of covid face-covering courtesies, we can now answer this scriptural rhinal perplexity:

What's praiseworthy about a prominent and visible nose? But of course! When a person's nose is covered, his face is rather unattractive and even scary. Perhaps the verse speaks prophetically of our unprecedented times, when seeing someone's nose is a novelty! King Solomon praises the person who is not ashamed of his nose, and proudly displays it like the visible and sightly tower of Biblical times.

However, the symmetry of a nose, of course, not just its prominence, would be its main beautifying feature - as expressed by the Mitzudos Dovid, who also translates the word literally, "your nose," symbolizing the nose of the Jewish People, and explains as follows:

"Your nose will be impeccably straight and without any crookedness, like a tower that stands in the forest of Lebanon that looks out towards Damascus which is adjacent to it, and that tower is built with extreme symmetry. And it represents the "shofeit" (Jewish leader) of the times, who is the תואר פני הדור, the celebratory "countenance" of the generation, just like the nose that is the central feature of one's face; this leader will be straight without crookedness, just like this tower."

This commentary is extremely telling, and reveals a deeper understanding of the inexplicable schnozzle-covering that seems to have become in style in our unbearable covid times. Perhaps the present-day nose-covering reflects on our spiritual necessity to obscure our "nose", the Jewish leaders of our time, who seem to be totally bent out of shape, as crooked as they come. These rabbis sit by while our yeshivas get closed, the tell, erroneously, us to wear masks while we pray and study Torah, to conform with all our politically-inclined "medical" decrees against Judaism and against humanity, and seem to be clueless as to the peril our religion and our liberties are now in.

So here's my suggestion:

Instead of trying to keep our current metaphoric nasal deformity out of sight, let's just get a nose job! New Jewish leaders! ASAP.